Unexpected side effect
by forgotmyself
Summary: "And you let him get drunk," I accused when I finally composed myself. I tried to ignore Captain's hand running up and down my leg. Bruce flushed, "It was an…unexpected side-effect."


It wasn't often that Phil felt surprised. His years spent working with SHIELD and learning to expect the unexpected had trained him to be able to react with dignity and grace in any situation.

There was that time his entire team was captured. Not by the rough and tough leader of the drug ring, but by the 15 year old girl informant. Who, as it turned out, was the daughter of the leader luring his team in to complete her initiation into the family business. Phil single-handedly (his left hand was still numbed by the effects of whatever drug was injected into him) rescued them. His black suit was still in perfect condition by the end of the mission.

Then there was the time where he had thought he died. Sacrificed himself in hopes of saving Thor and thus the world from Loki's crazy scheme. He felt that scepter go into his chest, but he expected the pain that followed and that allowed him to fire that amazing weapon.

He blanked out a little after that and woke up to Fury kneeling by him. He had felt cold and knew he was dying as he reported to Fury. And yes, there was some surprise when he woke up alive in a hospital bed.

But director Fury was sitting by his bed telling him how his "death" had brought the Avengers together. And then Fury apologized for ruining his mint condition cards of Captain America by putting blood on it.

Damn him.

After Phil had recovered, he donned a suit and revealed himself first to Hawkeye. He was Barton's handler after all. Barton had taken it like most agents of SHIELD do not, with uncontained joy and hugging. A lot of hugging. He then, by accident, revealed himself to Tony Stark, who then told apparently told everyone.

So that was how Phil found himself taken by surprise. He was on his way to the office late on a Saturday night, a cup of coffee in the left hand, phone nestled between his shoulder and ear, and right hand fumbling to press in the passcode.

"Barton, I want that report on my desk by Monday morning. It's three weeks over due." I stepped in place while typing my code into the entrance of the building.

I rolled my eyes at Clint's excuses and adjusted the phone on my shoulder as I pushed the door open.

"Having your mind controlled and then saving the world is not an acceptable excuse Barton"

_Jeez, it's dark in here_. I felt along the wall, trying to find the light switch. Only years of training in looking calm and collected prevented me from dropping my coffee when the lights switched on to reveal a room full of people, balloons and food.

"Surprise!" Stark stood at the front of the room with everyone standing behind him. He had a glass of wine in his hands and a pleased smile on his face.

I should have known.

Clint stood off to the side with his cellphone in hand. He shrugged and hung it up.

As I scanned the room, I noticed that all the Avengers were there and almost everybody from the office.

My eyes latched onto Captain America.

He was standing there in a light blue shirt and kahkis, with a shy smile on his face. He was probably still adjusting to life in the modern world. I could understand that, this life could be pretty hectic, even if you didn't have superpowers. When his eyes met mine, my heart skipped a beat.

Yep, my man-crush was still there.

After enduring the onslaught of greetings from coworkers and listening to several lewd suggestions directed toward Captain America from Tony, I managed to sneak away from the crowd to grab a drink and sit at a deserted table.

"Hey Boss, can I assume that I'll get an extension on that report due Monday?" asked Barton with a cheeky grin as he sat down next to me.

I raised an eyebrow at him, earning me a chuckle.

"Kidding, I'll have it done by then."

"Good. The children can play while Dad is away, but now that Dad is back, you have to get back to work," I replied, taking a sip of my drink.

"Ha! Yes Dad," Barton said with a shake of his head. "So listen, Coulson. There was a certain someone who was all tore-up about your death."

"Awe, I'm touched Barton. But I don't bat for the same team," I joked.

"I think you would make an exception for this certain someone."

"Who is it?" I asked, curiously. Barton went as if to reply, but stopped abruptly when Captain America took a seat on the other side of me.

"Just wanted to give you a heads up Coulson," Barton said, inclining his head at Captain America before leaving the table.

I frowned, a little confused by Barton's words. When I turned to Captain America, I was taken aback by the intensity of his stare directed at me.

I found myself staring back into his bright blue eyes. As my childhood hero, I remember staying up late to read his comics and wondering what had become of him. And then I joined SHIELD and found out.

I even got to see him a few times before he had woken up. Somewhere in between admiration and obsession came wistful and lustful feelings on those visits. I had time to study his handsome face and I would often imagine how his eyes would look when he finally opened them.

It was a little embarrassing how creepy and dumb I remember sounding when I had previously spoken to Captain. But it's hard to contain all the excitement I felt about Captain. I just hoped he had never realized my less-than-platonic feelings for him.

"Is everything all right there Captain?"

"You have beautiful hands," he replied, taking my hands from the table and holding them in his. His hands were surprisingly warm as he engulfed mine in his large ones.

"Ca-captain?" I asked again, feeling concerned. His eyes had a glazed look about them and his face was flushed.

"You know I thought you died," he whispered, bringing his face closer to mine. The smell of alcohol intensified as he neared.

"Captain? Are you drunk?" I exclaimed. That shouldn't be physically possible for him. Not with his metabolism rate. I should know, I read his file over twenty times.

"I thought you had died and it hurt me here," he released my hands briefly to point at his chest before trapping my hands on the table once again. I glanced around nervously, hoping nobody was looking.

Stark was. He smiled cheerfully at me and lifted his drink in acknowledgement.

"How much did you drink Captain?" I asked concerned, if he actually drank enough to be intoxicated he could have serious liver damage or something. I started to rise from my seat to find .

Captain stopped me from standing by placing a warm hand on mid-thigh. His long fingers curled over into my inner thigh, causing me to squirm in surprise and pleasure.

When I moved to get away from his touch, his hand shot up my thigh and curled tightly around it. I struggled to hold back a moan. His hand was heavy on my leg and was doing a number on my heart rate.

Captain gave me a smile that caused heat to pool in my lower stomach. This was so wrong. I knew Captain would never do something like this sober and I didn't want his good name to be besmirched by a drunken pass at me.

I scanned the party again and this time found Bruce Banner watching me, he head was inclined towards….Stark, who was whispering something into his ear. Stark was wearing a grin that went from ear to ear. Stark's eyes travelled over to Captain and me, his smile suddenly growing bigger.

"Phil, pay attention to me," whispered Captain seductively, his lips suddenly hot and wet against my ear.

_Oh my god. _With eyes still on Stark, who was now snickering, I realized he had something to do with this.

With one hand still on my thigh, the other moved to my neck to massage my now tense and rigid posture.

Using my eyes, I pleaded desperately for Bruce to come help me. He nodded in answer and began to walk over with a resisting Stark in hand.

"Captain, stop. Bruce and Tony are coming to fix this."

"I don't want to stop," Captain murmured against my cheek as his lips trailed down the side of my face.

"Good evening, gentlemen." Tony's smirk was enough to confirm my suspicions.

Captain ignored Tony and Bruce's arrival in favor of using the hand on my neck to run along my neck and chin.

Tony's pleased face and Bruce's sympathetic look motivated me to push away from Captain's hands.

Captain made a displeased noise and sat back in his chair with arms crossed and a childish pout.

"Gee Coulson, you're quite the tease," Tony commented.

"What did you do to him Stark?" I demanded, giving him a sharp look that could cast fear in even Barton.

"It wasn't me!" Stark exclaimed, giving an offended expression that was ruined by his chuckling. He then looked pointedly at Bruce who had the grace to look ashamed.

"Er, well," Bruce started, clearing his throat nervously before taking a sip of his drink. "Steve came to me after the whole Loki incident. He was feeling pretty guilty about your death and was having trouble sleeping. Since his metabolism is so fast, his body flushes out everything pretty fast, including sleep-aids. So he asked for help to slow down-"

I yelped in surprised when Captain quickly surged forward, taking my face in his hands and pushing his lips onto mine. His tongue darted forward and ran along my lips before pushing into my mouth. The taste of alcohol was so strong that I thought I could get drunk.

My eyes closed automatically, savoring every bit of this kiss. Probably the only kiss I would ever experience from Captain America. His soft lips pushed roughly against mine, using his tongue to push against mine. One hand cradled the back of my head, keeping me close to him while the other rested on the side of my face.

Even with my eyes closed, I was still painfully aware of all the attention we were attracting. When I felt more than heard a moan from Captain, I realized I had to stop this before it got more heated.

When I finally managed to extract myself from Captain's hands and mouth, he gave me a lazy and self-satisfied smile.

"So long story short, the good captain can get drunk now," Tony said with a laugh as I tried to adjust my suit without looking too flustered. Most people had gone back to their conversations by then and were pretending not to notice us.

"And you _let_ him get drunk," I accused when I finally composed myself. I tried to ignore Captain's hand running up and down my leg.

Bruce flushed, "It was an…unexpected side-effect."

Tony smiled at Bruce appreciatively, "God, you're so cute when you blush, you nerd."

Captain's lips were now making small kisses on my neck, causing my stomach to flutter wonderfully.

Bruce huffed at him before turning back to me. "We, or rather I, tried to stop Steve from drinking so much. But really, when he had his mind set on something-"

"Or someone," Tony interjected.

"-there's no stopping him," Bruce finished.

"Someone?" I asked, confused.

Tony smirked at me, "The good Captain asked me about getting confidence in romancing someone and I suggested, quite helpfully, liquid courage."

"Well it backfired because he's busy being handsy over here with me instead of with the girl he likes." I felt a pang of jealousy over this unknown girl.

Tony gave a disappointing "tsk" with a shake of his head. He went to say something when Bruce grabbed his arm and gave him a look I couldn't decipher.

"What?" I demanded. Hands were suddenly at my crotch, simultaneously palming and squeezing. I could feel my unrelenting stare morph into an expression of panic. I looked down to see Captain's hands at my pants, trying to find the zipper.

"Ack!" I flailed and pushed myself out of my chair to a standing position.

"What?" Captain asked, his face so unbelievably innocent looking.

Tony snorted, finding this way too funny.

Did he not understand how dire this situation was? People would talk about how I took advantage of Captain America while he was drunk. And poor Captain would be mortified when he realized what he had done.

"He's too drunk to be here. One of you should take him back to Stark Towers," I suggested, hoping to get Captain out of this embarrassing situation.

"Well-" Bruce started, before he was interrupted by Tony.

"We're busy. We have to wrap up this party and then we're expected at some foundation benefit. But you're not busy, maybe you should take him back."

I glanced at a smirking Captain who winked at me when he caught my eyes.

"In the interest of keeping professional-"

"Nonsense, you're the best person in this room to take care of him. You'll handle the situation with dignity,"

"Phil," Captain purred, trying to reach for my hand.

I gave Tony a pointed look.

"What if he tried to hit on a lesser person who'll take advantage of poor drunk Cap?" Tony suggested. My stomach clenched in anger, nobody was going to take advantage of Captain.

"I will be taking him home," I decided, grabbing Captain's outstretched hand and pulling him up. He shot right up, almost knocking me over. He stumbled a bit on his feet, before slinging an arm over my shoulder for support. My knees nearly buckled at having to support his heavy, yet muscular frame.

"I'm taking you home, Captain America," I explained, pulling him towards the exit.

"And what will you do to me once we're there, Agent Coulson?"

I gave a sigh, pulling the Captain along and firmly avoiding eye contact with anyone else.

"We'll just get you back to the tower and into your bed," I said, "All you need is to get some sleep and maybe you'll forget this ever happened."

"There is a limo waiting for you out front!" Tony called out behind me.

"That was easy," he said in a lower voice, presumably to Bruce. There was a hard sounding smack on fabric, quickly followed by an, "Ouch!" from Tony.

I may have put more thought in to what Tony meant, but as the Captain managed to gain his footing (thanks to his super-human powers) his arm slipped off my shoulder and slid down my body. I barely suppressed a squeak as his hand gave my butt a firm squeeze.

I side-stepped Captain to avoid any more butt grabbing. Just a few more steps until we were out of this room, a few more yards until we exited the building and a flight of stairs to the front of the building and to the limo. And only six months for everybody to forget this incident had ever occurred.

Just a few more steps….

"You alright there Boss?" Clint asked.

Damn.

Clint stood by the exit with Natasha, both smiled, taking pleasure in my predicament.

"Hi-ya there Clint, 'tasha!" Captain greeted happily.

"Hey yourself, Steve," Natasha greeted, nodding encouragingly at the smiling man.

"Where are you two off to?" Clint asked.

"Oh, Phil is going to take me home and get me into bed," Captain answered with a very out-of-character leer directed at me. My face flushed and I tried not to look as flustered as I felt.

Both Clint and Natasha's grins widened.

"Oh is he now?"

"He wants me to forget whatever happens, but I don-" Captain started, before I reached up to slap my hand over his mouth. He took my hand from his mouth to give a soft kiss before bringing back down to my side, his hand still holding mine.

I saw Natasha's mouth gape open, before she remembered herself and closed it to give a conspiratorial smile towards Clint. Clint went to give a reply, but I stopped him.

"Please, nothing untoward will happen to Captain America. He got himself drunk and I am just taking him home before he does anything he regrets. "

The captain gave me a fond smile, obviously not comprehending much of what I was saying.

I was beyond mortified. How had this night that started off with good intentions of completing paperwork turned into my fighting off the advances of Captain?

It would normally be a dream come true, but knowing that he was not in his right state of mind and probably liked another girl prevented me from enjoying this. If it was anyone else, I would be able to stop all advances with a firm "no", but this was Captain America and he was my weakness.

Clint raised his arms in defeat, "No judgment, Coulson. Sober Cap would be pleased to know that you're the one taking care of him."

I nodded, "Thank you."

Clint walked the few feet to the exit and held the door open.

"Have a good night. And don't worry, Tasha and I will do damage control."

I nodded thankfully and pulled Captain along with me. The door shut behind us and I could have sworn I heard an uproar of applause and cheering, but any distinct sounds were muffled by the thick door.

We made it out the entrance of the door without incident. Captain was surprisingly compliant, but that changed as we neared the steps down to the front. He pulled me to his body, using the hand holding mine as leverage.

I made an "oomph" when hitting his hard body knocked the air out of mine. Captain smiled down at me.

"We're alone out here, now you can't be embarrassed of what other people are thinking."

"You're still drunk," I argued. It fell on deaf ears as he leaned down to kiss me. He tilted my head to get better access. He had wrapped an arm around my body, so he was able to hold me up when my knees buckled. As searching tongue and lips pressed against my pliant mouth, I forgot why this was wrong.

I moved my lips against his and swiped my tongue along his, wanting to take control of this kiss. Captain mewled in my sudden reaction, but pulled away. He smiled when I attempted to follow him, not wanting to break the kiss.

In the dim light the city gave off, I could make out the dark lust in his eyes. He was so damn beautiful and so pure…

"Er-right, let's stick with the plan of getting you home," I said, coming back to my senses and breaking eye contact. My job was to get him home and into bed, without incident.

I pulled out of his embrace and made to step down for the first step. In my hurry to get down the stairs, I mis-stepped and would have fallen if Steven hadn't grabbed me around the middle. His arms brought me close to his chest as he helped me stand upright.

"Th-thanks Cap."

"And I'm the drunk one?" he joked.

"It's just dark," I explained, feeling stupid. I haven't felt this unsure since high school.

"Need me to carry you?" he jokingly offered, his hands running through my hair. "I like your hair this long"

I hadn't had a chance to get it cut since the Loki incident, so it was longer than I would normally wear it.

"Thanks," I said shyly, aware of Captain's careful appraisal of my face.

"Let's get to the limo," I said, taking careful and precise steps down the stairs. Captain followed me closely, probably to catch me if I was to trip again.

The limo driver waited by the, now open, backseat door, thankfully keeping his thoughts to himself.

In the limo, Captain settled himself as close to me as possible and threw an arm over my shoulder. He was definitely quieter and I wondered if he was getting sober.

The limo left the parking lot and began its hour long journey to Stark Towers. Five minutes into the drive through the city with no word from Captain I found myself relaxing into his arms and falling asleep.

Before I was fully conscious I felt hands along my chest, slowly unbuttoning my shirt. Soft kisses were pressed against my neck and down my chest. As warm, calloused hands caressed my chest I realized that it felt way too good to be a dream.

I blinked sleepily, identifying Captain in the shadows of the limo.

"Captain?"

"Just call me Steve," he murmured smiling at me. His hands moved to the top of my dress pants and I squirmed nervously.

"Uh, Steve, think about what you're doing."

"I know exactly _who_ I am doing, Phil Coulson," Steve replied cheekily. I'm certain I could blame Stark for Captain's newfound use of slang.

A quick glance around the limo and I was able to determine that he had raided the mini-bar and drank…all the liquor.

"You drank more!" I moaned out, exasperated.

"Just shut up and enjoy this, Phil." He pressed his lips on the skin just above my pants, his tongue swirling against the skin in a very delicious manner.

"You're drunk," I reasoned with him.

"And?" he asked, continuing to kiss and lick along my pant line.

"You're not in your right state of mind to make decisions like this." Sex while drunk always seemed like a good decision, until the next morning.

"Besides, you're straight," I explained, remembering Fury's stunt with a fake Betty to greet Captain when he woke up.

"I like you," he said simply, lifting his body up to kiss me.

"You do?" I asked skeptically.

"Ever since I first laid eyes on you."

"You were so put together…I think Clint said using the word BAMF? The way you barked out orders, always doing what's best for your team. And then suddenly you can barely string a sentence together in front of me. The way you blushed as you asked me to sign your mint condition cards of me." Captain held back a low moan.

I flushed. I had hoped that I wasn't that transparent about my crush, but I guess it was pretty obvious.

"After the Loki incident I was going to court you. Ask you out to dinner, meet your family. But then you died," he continued, his expression turning serious. "I promised myself, that if given a second chance I would seize the opportunity."

"So you get drunk?" I asked, saying the first thing that popped to mind.

Captain laughed, "Just taking a rule from Stark's book. That's how he got into Banner's pants."

I suddenly remember what Stark had said earlier about 'liquid courage'.

He leaned in for a soft kiss, "And besides you make me nervous. I've heard some horror stories about you from Barton. And the fact that you are straight."

I returned his kiss and laughed. "I do work my employees hard. Barton's just lazy. And I'm an equal opportunist."

"See? There is no reason to stop this," Steve said, attacking my lips with newfound fervor.

He straddled me, letting me feel his hard-on under his khakis. I groaned quietly when he pushed himself against me.

"God, Captain," I hissed out, feeling him smile against my skin.

His lips moved to my neck, licking and nibbling on the sensitive skin, while his hands moved to the top of my pants. He fumbled with the zipper, making a triumphant noise when he managed to unzip it.

Without ceremony, he shoved his hand down my pants to cup me. I pulled his face up to a very heated kiss, our teeth clicking together as tongues fought for dominance.

"Sirs, we are now arriving at the Stark Tower," announced the driver in a carefully neutral tone. He certainly knew what we were doing back here. I tried not to blush.

Captain gave me a sweet smile before zipping my pants back up.

We were quiet as we exited the limo and made our way to the lobby elevator of Stark towers. I found myself getting very nervous about what would happen once we were in Captain's room. I realized that he didn't want just a one-night stand, but it just wasn't in his nature to go this fast in a relationship.

When we stepped into the elevator I turned to him to suggest, "Maybe we should take this slower?"

"Slower?" Captain asked, quirking his eyebrow at me.

"There is no rush in this relationship," Captain gave me an odd look, so I continued, "Right? I mean we have time, we don't have to rush the-er-physical aspect of ou-"

Captain pinned me to the wall of the elevator, ignoring the opening of the elevator doors at his floor. He smiled down at me before kissing me lightly.

"If you want to take this slow, then I am okay with taking it slow," he released me from the wall and walked out the elevator

I swallowed heavily before following him. He stopped at his room and held the door open for me. I carefully brushed past him into the room.

Captain's room was more like a small apartment with a kitchen, living room, bedroom and bathroom. He took my hand and led me to the couch. His apartment was very basic with the bare minimum decorations. In the corner I could see a desk stacked with sketchpads and pens. Captain sat on the couch, pulling me down next to him.

"So how about tomorrow, I take you on a real date?"

I felt myself smile in response, "I would like that."

"Good, hang on. I want to show you something." He jumped up from the couch and ran to his bedroom, shutting the door behind him.

Twenty minutes later, I found myself dozing on the couch. I figured, somewhere between finding what he wanted to show me, the Captain fell asleep on his bed.

Ten minutes later, I was woken up by the door opening. Lifting my head slightly I saw bright blue shoes leading up to blue cladded calves. With a quick appreciative glance, I realized he was wearing his Captain America uniform. My heart rate increased for two reasons. First, he was sexy as hell in that uniform. Second, it meant the Captain was needed for something.

"What did Fury call you in for?" I said, jumping up and searching for my phone. I didn't think I had gotten a message.

"Do we need to be debriefed on the situation?" I walked for the door and had my phone out, poised to call Fury.

Captain took the phone from my hand and tossed it onto a nearby coffee table.

"Yes, you will need to be 'de-breifed' for this situation," the Captain said, smiling at the innuendo.

My eyes widened, when I understood what the Captain was implying. He smiled at me and pulled me close against his chest.

My hands splayed across his chest, feeling his hard muscles beneath the thin uniform. I remember spending weeks on this design, picking out the right colors and material.

The captain pressed himself against me and I gasped when I realized I could feel everything beneath his uniform. The uniform left absolutely nothing to the imagination.

He chuckled at my reaction and pushed me back to sitting on the couch. He knelt between my legs and smiled up at me.

"My duty as Captain America is to _serve_ and protect."

_Oh my god._

His hands clasped around my thighs to nudge my legs open, the heat radiating from him scorched my skin beneath the pants. Using his tongue and teeth, he managed to undo my pants.

"Fuck going slow."


End file.
